6 Things You Can Do to Pass the Time While Giving a Blow Job

There’s something undeniably intoxicating about giving your guy the kind of pleasure that will have him moaning to the rafters. Still, blow jobs always seem to take infinitely longer than initially anticipated; and unlike regular jobs, blow jobs don’t come with Internet access or free coffee to help you while away the minutes. That doesn’t mean, however, that there aren’t ways to keep your mind occupied while you keep him mesmerized with bliss. Here are seven ways to do just that.

1. Use Your Tongue to Play Word Games
Start by spelling out the first word that comes to your mouth (hopefully it’s not G-A-G), and then see how quickly you can come up with a word that begins with the letter you ended on. By the time he’s D-O-N-E, you will have strengthened your vocabulary and your endurance!

2. Play the Air Harmonica
Embrace your inner folk singer by imagining that you’re throwing down a soulful air harmonica tune. Picture each note as you’re playing it, and for bonus points, see if you can also remember all the lyrics to the song you’re playing. We’d say you should take this act on the road, but that might be kind of awkward for your friends and family.

3. Practice Your Yoga Breathing
If focusing on your breath can keep your mind occupied while you move through sun salutations, it can certainly get you through a few minutes of having a mouthful. Namaste.

4. Challenge Yourself to a One-Person Game of “Would You Rather?”
Playing a game of chicken with your tonsils feels like a stroll through the park when you’re contemplating whether you’d rather only eat fish guts for the rest of your life or have body hair that grew out as dread locks that you could never shave.

5. Guess Which of His Testicles Is Bigger
A blow job is often an “all hands on deck” situation. Use your hands to see if you can spot the (hopefully) minor differences between his seemingly identical twins. It’s like a carnival game where he wins an orgasm and you both win some well-earned sleep!

6. See How Long You Can Go Without Getting a Pubic Hair In Your Mouth
When you begin, start counting, and don’t stop until you feel the familiar sensation of the world’s grossest floss on your teeth. If this happens, start over and continue until he’s made it to the finish line. The lower the number you count to before things get hairy, the more enthusiastic you’ll be when you remind him that it’s time for him to return the favor to you.

Oral Sex Tips GUARANTEED To Rock Her Ever-Loving World

Women love when you go down on them, so why aren't you?

Almost 90 percent of people considered a lack of oral sex as a BIG problem, so I’m bringing it up before your partner does. Guys: Whatever your reason for not going down, it’s time to give it another try! Here are 7 tips to help you quickly become an oral expert:

Tip #1: Spread the love. She loves it when you focus your attention on the clit. However, if you focus all your attention on one spot, it gets super sensitive bordering on painful. Mix it up! Use your entire tongue. Make it flat. Make it pointy. Make it soft. Make it rigid. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, and you can stimulate them all!

Tip #2: Start off slow. This is not fast food. This is a gourmet restaurant and she wants you to savor every moment. Kiss and nibble her inner thighs, use your lips or your breath on her labia. She feels every little nuance, and it all feels very, VERY good.

Tip #3:  Skip the porn tricks. Guys, she is a regular, everyday woman. She is NOT a porn star. Plus, she can tell when you’re using Howard Stern’s alphabet technique (I KNOW you can be more creative than that!). Rather than trying something you saw on the boob tube, keep it simple. Try swirling your tongue around her clitoris in small circles, clockwise and then counter-clockwise. You’ll find the right spot, guaranteed.

Tip #4:  Forget the game plan. If you come to the bedroom with a super specific end goal, say giving her a squirting orgasm, it can be a turn-off. Why? Because the moment it becomes goal-oriented rather than pleasure-oriented, she loses interest. Plus, she’ll feel like something is wrong with her if you try really hard and she just can’t get there. If you want her to be comfortable with squirting, try not to focus on it too much. She wants to get lost in the moment, not feel like you are trying to turn her into your favorite webcam girl.

Tip #5: Remember the golden rule. Think of all of the things you love when she goes down on you. Do you love gentle sucking? Nibbling? Light teeth? Deep suction? Great – maybe she does too!  GENTLY try those techniques on her clitoris. After all, it is essentially a small penis with double the nerve endings.

Tip #6: DON’T forget the fingers! Once she is good and warmed up, get in there with your fingers!  Many women enjoy one or two fingers inside their vagina while you kiss and suck on her clitoris. You may find her thrashing around in your bed from a blended orgasm when try this technique. Just be sure your fingers are very clean and that you have filed down any rough nail edges (see Tip #2 — she feels EVERYTHING down there).

Tip #7: Get INTO it! If she senses you're feeling the least bit obligated or bored, she will shut down. Please be aware of how vulnerable she may feel lying there with her legs spread and try to be very complimentary and enthusiastic. I promise it will pay off — that little extra effort can turn a self-conscious woman into the lusty, naughty woman you’ve always wanted.